Our Biggest Failure

I think our biggest failure as "Christians" is that we still try to hide our failures like Adam and Eve did in the garden.  We try to portray this image of being perfect all of the time and protect our image at all costs.  I think we are meant to be admitting we are being broken and let the world see that our relationship with God helps heal our brokenness and reaching out to others who are broken with empathy and relating to their brokenness from a very real connection.  Instead of being real, we put on our fake mask and look down our plastic nose at those that fall and pretend we are perfect.  We miss out on the blessing of connecting with that person and letting God love them through us.  That is where God can truly use us.  Look at the stories in the bible and find me one person that has their story told who truly made a difference to others by appearing perfect all the time.  It seems to me the ones Jesus was continually locking horns with were those who tried to appear perfect (pharisees) and he reached out to the hurting and broken on a daily basis.

In today's world those that are always creating and protecting their image seem to fall then "the world" looks at them and thinks we are all hypocrites and it does more to tarnish God's image than those that admit they are broken to begin with.  God is quite capable of surviving whatever folks might think tarnishes His image and He has always used broken vessels to bring glory to His name.  So whose image are we trying to protect, ours or His?  Just something to ponder!  ;)

Are We Giving or Trading?

Lately this has been on my mind a lot so I figured it must be an indicator I need to write about it as well as continue to measure my own motivations continuously.  We have all heard or even felt that feeling of frustration and the question "How could they do that after all I have given them?" and yet are we truly "giving" if that is our response?  Giving, by all rights, is a gift to someone with no expectation of anything in return.  Why then, do we feel we are giving something to someone if we do, in fact, have an expectation of getting something in return even if it is a certain response?  If we are truly giving we need to release all expectation of a return.  No money back, no goods in exchange and no expectations of a certain response.  Trading is a wonderful thing as well and I certainly do not begrudge a decent trade.  I only wish to take time to look inside my heart and call others to do the same to find what our true motivation is in things.  Are we looking to trade?  Awesome!  Let's be honest with ourselves and others if that is the case.  Are we looking to give?  All the better, then truly give to someone and release all expectation of getting anything in return, even a certain response.  May we ever be grateful for all we have and are given but not expect it from anyone else so that it makes our heart smile when they do!  ;)

The Color Purple

Today I was challenged to come up with a list of things that most people would not know about me.  One of the things on my list was that I really disliked the colors pink and purple until I was around 30 years old.  I knew this would be something few knew about me as I now love the color purple and even painted my mud rig pink and purple camouflage with sparkles as you can see in the picture above. I decided to share the story of how a little girl got me to love the color purple with a passion that burns deep in my spirit.  I guess the way to start this story would be to explain why I so detested those colors to begin with.  As a young girl as far back as I could remember I experienced something we all pray our little girls never experience.  I was sexually abused.   Needless to say, I did not feel it was safe to be a girl so girly colors were just plain unpleasant to me.  Fast forward many years and God had done a major amount of healing in my life but I still did not care for girly colors and in walks my little girl who was around 9 years old carrying a gift for me.  Yes, you guess it, it was purple!  I told her it was beautiful.  What else do you say to a little girl who made you a gift?  That little girl surely had no clue why I felt how I did.  I asked her why she made it purple and she actually TOLD me it was my favorite color.  Laughing inside at the naivety of my little girl I responded "Oh really?" and at that point such wisdom spouted out of her it changed my life.....and my favorite color forever!  Without even looking up at me from her drawing she told me how purple was a girly color and I was a girl and it was also a color of royalty and I was God's princess, His daughter and so being a girl, and being God's daughter it was safe to be a girl too.  I stood there with my mouth hanging open and then I hugged her good and tight and thanked God for her and for sharing something with me through her that I so needed to hear.  So yes, purple is my favorite color...it is the color of my healing and it is a reminder every day that I am God's princess, a beloved daughter of the Most High God!  I am also the mother of a young woman that had an enormous amount of wisdom as a small girl!  I am abundantly blessed!

Speaking Blessings instead of curses

I really was not sure what to name this one.  I just know I have always had a hard time understanding why we are to speak blessings over someone that hurts us or is horribly inconsiderate like the guy that cuts you off in traffic.  Why in the world would we pray for God to bless them when they are so thoughtless and need to come to their senses and change their behavior?

The verse Romans 2:4 came to mind about how the goodness of God leads us to repentance.  I don't know about you but somehow I always read that to say in essence that God loving us is what brings us to salvation.  That is not what it says though, is it.   It really does apply to this situation.

We want this thoughtless inconsiderate person to change their behavior before we pray blessings over them. It is our nature to feel this way.  I am finding it is not God's nature to feel this way though.  Basically we want their repentance to lead to the goodness of God and yet His word says it just the opposite.  If I truly want them to change their behavior (or repent) what does God's word say leads them to that according to this verse?  The goodness of God is the answer.

Be patient Lord, I am learning!  I will pray blessings on those people and pray that you are so good to them that it changes them like your love has changed me.  Thank you Lord for giving me insight once again about a portion of your word that I did not understand.  Your ways are so much higher than mine and you prove it so very often!

My Life is His Garden

It has been a hard week.  That saying "when it rains, it pours" seemed like it was written just for me.  I oftentimes tell people that saying is true but it is also true of blessings.  God can and will rain blessings on our lives at times.  This was not bringing me much encouragement.  I felt as if one of the biggest blessings in my life could be taken from me at any moment.  Knowing he would be dancing with Jesus was not bringing me much encouragement either.  I was hurting so badly.

Our vehicle was not cooperating either.  We finally got the entire bottom end rebuilt and still having oil pressure issues but at least it was running.  We went to run some errands and on the way back the clutch went out.....right before a red light!  I was screaming inside and yet we knew if we turned it off we were stuck as we could not push start it.  If the clutch is not pushed in it will not start period.  We got through the first light as there was very little traffic and we were turning right.  Okay, two more stop lights, a railroad crossing, a stop sign and about 10 miles to the house.  My mind remembered every wide place in the road directly before a stop light or stop sign.  We only had to pull off and circle for one red light.  Next is the gate at the house.  Oh boy!  Me in my flip flops jumping out of a moving vehicle next to an irrigation canal.  I gotta tell ya, it was rather comical!  No injuries, just a step stumble NONgraceful landing and I had the gate open. Brian circled the truck and came back and parked it in the shade.  We fixed the clutch.

As I went to bed last night I was reading as usual and when I saw "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice" I cried out to God.  "Even when it seems shit is coming from every direction??"  Yes, I said shit to God and thankfully He puts up with me even in those mouthy moods.  He impressed upon me that His word also says we should rejoice during trials and tribulations.  Even then Lord??  Even now??  This was the beginning of a long talk which I will try to share with you what I learned.

His answer to my question as to whether to rejoice even during the shit storms was "especially then, especially now".  I am His garden and I am to bring forth fruit in my life.  Well any of us farm kids or gardeners know that "shit" is just another word for fertilizer.  We also know that fertilizer burns if there is no water and will ruin a crop quickly.  How do I water it Lord?  Water is often used in His word to refer to the Holy Spirit.  Waters coming forth from inside us or the Living Water are used many times to talk of the Holy Spirit.  Okay, so I need the Holy Spirit flowing to water this fertilizer in order to keep it from burning so I can bring forth fruit in my life.  What is the best way to bring the Holy Spirit close and flowing in my life??  Praise of course, is the best way!  The Holy Spirit inhabits our praise!  Okay, so the more fertilizer I have on my garden (or my life) the more water (or Living Water) I need in order to produce fruit!

Yes Lord, now I understand why we are to praise You even in the storms of life, especially in the storms!  Thank you Lord for sharing your heart and helping me to understand how now when I am hurting it is the most important to praise you!  You are so patient and loving with me and soooo worthy of my praise!  Thank you Lord for all you do but mostly for who you ARE!  You are indescribable and I am so very thankful for your love!  Let my life be your garden and always let me be good soil to plant seeds in so that I may understand you more and share you with others!

The Desert

The Bible has so many references to the desert with so many meanings that it shares.  I actually live in a desert so those parts of the bible say a lot to me because I can relate to them in so many different ways.  I see God in the desert each day, in what is created there and the wildlife that share that desert.  I also can relate in my heart to the desert, to those times where it seems God has stepped out and you do not feel His presence so strongly.  The other night when I was texting with my daughter who is experiencing some really hard times she told me she was feeling Psalm 113 clear to her toes lately.  I assured her I had been there and we had a very nice "talk" which I believe she took to heart.

Those desert times when you feel Psalm 113 clear to your toes have proven to be very special times in my life as I look back.  Times I dug deeper than ever, totally immersed myself in Him and His word so as not to feel alone.  I believe we grow very deep roots during this time of digging deep, we search out the living water of the Holy Spirit to refresh us.  Those deep roots build our faith so very much and give us strength to withstand storms in life.  I have found that after being in the desert I can dance in the rain of the storms knowing He is there so deeply that I celebrate Him.

I see in my reading the Bible that there are so many known for their great faith and it seems they were always taken to the desert in one way or another.  Sometimes that desert time feels as if it is failure and we are not sure how or when we will come back out of it.  If we lean on Him, dig deeper for what we can learn we find we come out of the desert so very much stronger than we went in but it is not our strength but His that carries us, self has been stripped away and we rejoice in His strength instead of our own.  I think I could write forever about the desert and what I have learned in the physical desert and that spiritual desert as well.  I am so very thankful for my desert experiences.  I know so very deeply it is all Him and about Him.  I do so love Him so!

Judgement of Others

Just sharing some of my thoughts today.

Who made up the rule that the most visible sins were the worst?  Certainly not God, Jesus made it real clear that God was concerned with our heart.  Wait, that is INSIDE, where no one can see it!!  Who am I to decide what each person should work on next?  Me who is so imperfect whom God was SO patient with and continues to be today?  God has a plan for each of our lives.  He knows what comes next, He knows which order those pieces of our "self" need to melt away and how.  Let’s leave His work in others to Him and quit second guessing Him.  Let’s work on being sensitive to what He is saying to each of us, in what ways He is urging us to love others.  Love Him, love others, those were His commands to us.  He said HE would finish the good work He started in us, and them too so stay out of His way.  Are we to judge someone else’s employee?  Does it matter what you think of Farmer John’s employee if he is thrilled with them?  We, each of us, are God’s favorite, the apple of His eye and if one of us is judging another, are we not setting ourselves up to be judged by others as well?  Judge not lest you be judged in Matthew 7:1 also tells us that if we judge others harshly that is how we will be judged.  I pretty much want to be as merciful as possible in my judgments of others because I really need that mercy when I am judged!

If you can keep all of the law then go on your merry way, you don’t need a savior, at least not until reality hits you in the face.  Make no mistake, it certainly will too!

When you find yourself wanting to ridicule others or vent about them try this-earnestly ask God to show you His heart for that person.  You will know He has answered when you start to feel as if you are in their shoes, feeling their suffering and overwhelmed with compassion.  That is how our God feels about them, and about us when we are messing up and hurting.  That is your clue to pray for them.

Everyone hurts, all you see that you find a source of irritation is someone carrying a burden that you surely do not want to carry.  Perhaps that burden has overwhelmed them at that moment and they have acted or reacted in a way that irritated you.  

I personally think that most people are so terrified of looking full on into the face of their own issues that they look outside at everyone else and their issues.  All this time not realizing they cannot clearly see the issues of someone else through the tainted lens of their own issues.  I believe our Savior said something about removing a beam from your own eye so you can see the remove the splinter in another's?  Maybe He was onto something.